Borrowing from @weepingfoxfury, the shiny metropolis beckons me.

I have been away from home for something around 11 weeks now, and I have just come back to a place I have built, but I am a changed man, so here are my thoughts:

public transportation in my region (Stuttgart) is loud. The doors, the train itself, the automated audio info system telling you things. It is just so loud. I think it does not welcome you using it.

I want to buy a beautiful book today, so that is what I want to go to the city for. But I have never considered what I find beautiful. I know what I think is cool, but beauty has so far eluded me.

I would love to go to a club tonight, and just hang out. I am not a drinking man, I just am interested in making new memories there. Memories of beauty, I think. I think I want to go there alone. But maybe the book store will exhaust me because I have yet to settle on experiencing life over communicating experience as proof of life, so I will see how I feel.

In general, I feel that my feelings matter. And I am starting to doubt that I have been looking for the right answers for myself. I also have doubts that I even had questions in the first place. There is a lot of things happening at all times, but I feel that most of these things rely on my compliance, and my attention.

I feel that my life does not need to be in the open. Quite the opposite is healthy for me: to keep my life private, and not treat it as content for other people, not treat my thoughts as something to influence others with at all, neither looking for having my existence solved as if it is a riddle, nor wanting to change the world one single bit.

I am just present. This blog is not my life. Who I am is not what I will post online. What I do, that I want to post.

Are you all cool with that?

Source: My after‑hours blog on Tumblr Code & Canvas